This is really a skill worth mastering: to be able to set boundaries AND to simultaneously love yourself. To be able to say [and to do] 'No' while loving yourself is an art. But not only that, setting boundaries is also saying [and doing] ‘Yes' to what YOU really want.
Setting boundaries and at the same time loving yourself is something people are not used to. I know I wasn't used to it. Whenever I set boundaries people called me bitchy and selfish. They called me bitchy because I said NO to what I didn't like and they called me selfish because I did something different from what they did. I often said YES to what my peer group didn't like.
OMG, this has always made me feel so ambivalent. I wanted to do what was good for me AND I wanted to be nice at the same time. All I really ever wanted was to belong. But whatever I did, it wasn't good enough. Not for myself and not for others. I know for sure that you recognize this somehow.
Is it possible to set boundaries and at the same time love yourself? Yes, it is. But I had to learn how to do it.
✅ I had to learn to recognize and to acknowledge my needs. I had to learn to take them seriously!
✅ I learned to communicate my needs in a way that other people could hear MY needs. I learned to ask people to listen to my needs without demanding how they should do something.
✅ And I learned that others are allowed to say ‘No' to my needs. My need is just a question, a desire, not a demand.
✅ And most of all I learned to honor my needs and to feel inwardly safe at the same time. And when I don't feel inwardly safe while honoring my needs, I know I have to do some inner work.
✅ I learned to express my needs only when I feel inwardly safe because that's when I am okay with the reaction of others, no matter how they react.
By now, I know when my needs are coming from a place where I'm not triggered; I can set my boundaries as much as I need to because others won't feel overpowered. They often will even feel empowered to express their own needs in return.
Do you set boundaries and do you love yourself while doing it?